


i'd give all kinds of something to hold you near

by bookshvnter



Category: Snowpiercer (TV 2020)
Genre: 5 Times, 5+1 Things, Angst, Canon-Typical Violence, F/F, Fluff, Pre-Freeze, Sapphics, Wilford is a creep, idk how to tag my works, melanie x miss audrey, melaudrey, miss audrey is so gay for melanie, miss audrey x melanie, spread the word, wilfor hate party, wlw
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-20
Updated: 2021-02-20
Packaged: 2021-03-17 12:56:04
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,065
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29593146
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bookshvnter/pseuds/bookshvnter
Summary: She finds her in a quiet room away from the party, where the music is only a distant muffle. She is slouched on a chair, head down and frowning at the enormous amount of books in front of her. She's scribbling furiously on the margins of some reports, alternating between sticking her tongue out and biting her lower lip. Audrey is transfixed on the raven beauty and just stands there, taking her all in.ormelanie, audrey and the word 'beautiful'.or5 times Audrey witnesses people telling Melanie she's beautiful and 1 time Audrey tells her herself (and she believes it).
Relationships: Miss Audrey/Melanie Cavill
Comments: 10
Kudos: 32





	i'd give all kinds of something to hold you near

**Author's Note:**

> i'm not too sure about where this fic stands exactly: it deals with pre-show material, not really compliant with canon tho.
> 
> i'm also not too sure about the end result, but this fic has been bugging me for days and kept me away from my study so i just decided i'd post it anyways.
> 
> this is the first time i've tried wring a 5+1 things so i'm not too sure if i did this correctly.
> 
> also! this is unbeta'd and written at 3 am so all mistakes are mine.
> 
> with this said, happy reading! and do leave a review if u feel generous x

1.

The first time she sees the other brunette is at one of Wilford's parties. Audrey has known the man for a few years now; he's helped her out of poverty and she's on her way to get her psychology degree in exchange for a few sexual favours. It's not what she'd imagined her life to be like, but it's the only option she's got.

It's a big party aboard one of his largest, most opulent trains, filled with sleaze-bags and high-end escorts, and he's had one-two bottles too many to notice her slipping out of the room.

She wanders around from car to car, enjoying the lack of people and alcohol. She finds her in a quiet room away from the party, where the music is only a distant muffle. She is slouched on a chair, head down and frowning at the enormous amount of books in front of her. She's scribbling furiously on the margins of some reports, alternating between sticking her tongue out and biting her lower lip. Audrey is transfixed on the raven beauty and just stands there, taking her all in. She stands there one minute too many and she's thinking of going up to her when the atmosphere is suddenly broken.

A drunk asshole comes barging in the room, slurring and lurching, and his imposing presence ruins the moment. He makes a double-take on the other woman and smirks "Hello, beautiful".

She sees her startle, jumping at the sudden interruption and Audrey can't help but compare her to a spooked animal, her eyes as wide as saucepans and her posture stiff, waiting for the attack. Audrey, who's gone unseen, protected by the dark shadows of the room, doesn't hesitate to jump out of her hiding spot and put herself between the sozzled man and the other woman. "You seem lost," she tells the man "Why don't I help you find your way back?" she uses a huskier voice than usual, making sure he can understand her in his state and is rewarded by a smirk that makes her stomach churn.

Audrey takes his arm and leads him away from that room, only turning around when they're almost in the next cabin. Green meets brown and she notices the other brunette is looking at her with a confused, yet relieved expression. Audrey can't help but think that she really is beautiful.

She then guides the man to a secluded room, gives him a drink and hits him in the head with an Encyclopedia Britannica Volume E. He's out cold for the rest of the night.

2.

The second time Audrey sees her, a day after the incident, she knows her name. She's asked around if anyone knows her and she's gathered some information, some she believes, some she doesn't want to. Her name is Melanie Cavill. She's an engineer. She works for Wilford. They are sleeping together, and although doesn't want to believe that, it isn't too difficult for her to imagine the other woman in a similar situation to hers: he has helped her and now she owes him. For some reason, the idea makes her want to throw up, and also strangle him.

Audrey is laying down in her tiny yet comfortable room located up-train, taking a break from preparing for the upcoming show, when she hears a series of commotions in the quiet of the afternoon. She ventures outside her room looking for the source of the noise when she hears Wilford's voice. It's muffled and she can't completely make out what he's saying but she recognises the tone he's using, has used it with her often. She finds herself looking right at the origin of the commotion, the door to the room slightly ajar. She sees him and Melanie inside, his knuckles moving up and down her cheek "You've always been beautiful" he says, and she flinches away from him. He laughs at that, pats her on the cheek and leaves the room. Audrey hides behind the floor-length curtain next to the window and tries her best not to make noise. Wilford stops a couple of steps away from her, surveying the area as if sensing her presence but leaves some seconds later.

She comes out of her hiding spot when she's sure he's gone and looks inside Melanie's room, her door half open. The inside of the cabin looks like a mess, with papers scattered on the floor and the coffee table flipped on the ground. If the other brunette has noticed her, she doesn't give any signs. Her hair is slightly dishevelled and the skin on her jaw is red, sure to turn into a bruise. It makes Audrey's blood boil.

She's still on the threshold of the room and she knocks on the door, not sure how else to announce herself without scaring the other woman. "You okay?" she asks, once she has her attention. Melanie nods "I'm fine"

There's not really much Audrey can say or do, given that she doesn't even know her, so she nods and makes to leave when Melanie speaks again. "Thank you. For yesterday," a part of Audrey's heart tugs a little at the sight of the other woman's smile but refuses to think about what that means. She's not sure what to say, so she just gives her a small smile in response.

"I'm Audrey"

"Melanie" she shakes her hand and it's like a jolt of electricity passes through them.

A part of Audrey falls in love with her right there right then.

3.

Aboard Snowpiercer, people fear her too much to call her beautiful. They are lucky to make eye contact with her without immediately looking down, or away. _It's a shame_ , Audrey thinks, because Melanie could really use some compliments.

She's known the head of hospitality for quite some time now and she knows things about her that few other people would. She knows that underneath her easy-going attitude lies an introvert at heart, that behind her hard exterior is a shy, often insecure person and that Melanie Cavill is much more than what meets the eye, much more than blue uniform and black hair held in a bun. She's the true mind behind the train, the reason that three-thousand souls are still alive.

For a while things are going fine, she and Melanie have created some sort of routine; Melanie comes down to the Nightcar almost every night, if not for her shows, for a glass or two in the quietness of Audrey's room. Some evenings they talk about their days, other times they prefer to just sit in comfortable silence, sipping whatever liquor Audrey has snatched from the bar, enjoying each other's presence.

Just like they often do, the two of them are walking together to get some food to consume in Audrey's room, when Ben interrupts them to inform Melanie about some problem down-train which requires her immediate intervention. Melanie accepts to go see what the issue is, but Audrey insists she comes with so they can get something to eat afterwards.

Down-train, she has to stay on the other side of double doors because of her lack of protective suit and actual experience.

"Sorry about this" Melanie tells her while Audrey is hooking her tube and latching her helmet.

"Go shine" she responds and Melanie gives her a wild smile thought the helmet - the kind that makes Audrey's heart beat faster - before she is gone.

From the outside, she sees Melanie and the Breachmen engage in some kind of argument, neither part seeming to relent. Boscovic then shakes his head a series of curse words come out of his mouth before he hooks her to a safety rope and Melanie goes out in the freezing cold.

Audrey looks at the episode unfolding in front of her and doesn't dare to breathe, afraid she'll miss the brunette come back up again. When she finally sees Melanie climb back up she lets out a relieved sob. But she has to wait for the head engineer to come to her, doesn't matter how much she wants to storm through the closed double doors and throw herself in her arms.

She hears the Breach Team cheer at her and Boki patting her on her back. After what seems an eternity, the lock of the door hisses its release and Melanie and the four Breachmen come through. Even with the helmet under her arm, hair loose sticking to her forehead and neck and face red because of the cold, she's the happiest Audrey's seen her be in seven years aboard this train where she was stuck playing Hospitality.

"She's crazy, man," Boscovic tells Audrey, or maybe to no one in particular "Absolutely fucking nuts"

"I told you. I know Snowpiercer. It was the fastest way" Melanie replies, but there's no actual bite to her words, only a playful banter.

"Fucking insane" Boki restates, shaking his head "It makes sense, though. That you would know this damn train this well. Both you are beautiful and _so_ deadly"

She notices Melanie's expression lose its playful and carefree expression and Audrey starts to think that maybe it's not people complimenting her that makes her close off, but rather being called beautiful.  
She gives a smile to the Breachman after Melanie fails to respond and hooks her arm with the brunette. "We'll get going now. I'm starving"

When they reach her room, Audrey gives her a pair of sweatpants and a shirt to wear. They're old and worn, but she has a whole new appreciation for them when she sees the clothes on Melanie's body. Zarah has left two plates of whatever was for lunch on her table and Audrey is just relieved they can finally relax.

They both sit on her old, brown couch, comfortably eating the food. She watches Melanie for the duration of the meal, her mind still trying to work out why the engineer has the reaction she has at being called beautiful.

Audrey notices how tired and beaten down Melanie looks, so when they're finished eating she suggests they lie down on her bed.

They lay in silence for some time, while she tries to think of ways to ask her. The bed is small and every inch of her left side is touching Melanie's right one.

"Mel?"

"Yeah?" when she speaks Audrey can hear the vibrations through their touching bodies and goosebumps cover her skin.

There's no easy way to ask her, so she goes straight for it "Why do you not believe it? That you're beautiful"

Melanie's body goes stiff beside her and Audrey can't seem to feel the warmth emanating from her body anymore. The absence is nerve- wrecking. "Because it's not true," she says in a conclusive tone, leaving no room for discussion. Then, so much softer, that Audrey doesn't think she meant to say it out loud, "Because I'm a horrible person" and then suddenly her body is shaking and Audrey doesn't think, just acts; she pulls Melanie to her chest, the other woman's arms latching onto her shirt, as she softly rubs her back and whispers sweet nothing into her ear.

They fall asleep like that and when Audrey wakes up, the bed is cold where Melanie had been. In her place, a note is on the pillow.

_Thank you, M. x_

4.

The next time it happens, Audrey's not at all surprised.

It's fight night and, like every other fight night, Melanie will have to make an appearance at some point. She has three dresses she alternates for these type of events: sleeveless white, body-con red and sparkly black. She looks incredible in all, although Audrey has a special appreciation for the white one.

Melanie shows up an hour and a half into the party and everything seems to come to a stop. The moment she steps into the room all eyes are on her and it doesn't matter that she's worn that sparkly dress three times already because she looks as good as the first time. She stands on the little balcony in the Nightcar and slowly but surely everyone goes back to their conversations. She looks around and when she meets Audrey's eyes, her eyes light up and a smile forms on her lips. Audrey's stomach explodes with butterflies.

She sees her moving down the stairs making polite small talk with those who stop her, and she knows her social battery is going down by the second. For some reason, it reminds Audrey of the first time she'd seen her wear a dress, before the Freeze. They'd been friends and Melanie had needed her help to decide on what to wear. In the end, she'd settled on a short, purple one that barely came to her knee. The fabric had been soft and the skin-tight dress had flattered her in all the right places. Audrey remembers, like it was yesterday, the softness of her curves and the pale skin on her back, the way she had smelled of flirting and optimism, a hypnotic aroma of juicy mango, smooth rose petals and musk and the way she'd wanted to kiss her.

"What's the occasion?" she had blurted out in the attempt to stop thinking about Melanie's plump lips. She'd seen the expression on her face change, the way she'd clenched her jaw and understood her mistake. "It's a meeting with some of Wilford's associates. To present the plans for the new train" she'd said then but Audrey knew very well that wasn't all of it.  
Wilford was going to be praised all evening and then, after, he'd need her to worship him some more. Audrey guessed she should be happy it wouldn't be her he'd come to, but looking at Melanie getting dolled up for the creep only made her bile rise to her throat.

"Penny for your thought?" Melanie's voice brings her back to the present. She's standing close, but she's also kilometres away. She's close enough Audrey can smell her perfume, but so far her elbow is the only part that touches her. And Audrey hates it, loathes it. She wants her, aches to feel her body against her own, kiss her lips and play with her hair.

"I saw the Folgers wouldn't let you escape"

"Apparently the pancakes have been burned this whole week and they're demanding to speak with Mr Wilford. God forbid their pancakes are burned, it's not like we're the last of the human species" she says in a playful tone, rolling her eyes.

"Yeah, I don't think they realise this isn't a prolonged vacation"

Melanie orders them two drinks, wine for herself and brandy for Audrey. They talk for a bit, gossiping and sharing anecdotes on the passengers of Snowpiercer until Audrey has to perform again. She's onstage for several songs but never once takes her eyes off Melanie.

She's nearing the end of her performance when Nolan Grey approaches Melanie. He gives his back to her and she can't see the other brunette, not with him shielding her away from her view. Audrey does her best to finish the song without jumping off the stage and running to Melanie, the loss of eye contact throwing her off more than it should. When she finishes, he's still talking to her.  
Audrey has to wait for the applause to subside before she can start walking towards them. When she gets there they're finishing the conversation and he's already walking away when he stops and turns to Melanie again, with a smirk on his face. "You really do look beautiful today"

She sees Melanie's jaw clench painfully and she honestly won't be surprised if she murders him herself. Ten minutes later, she's left the party and Audrey already misses her presence.

5.

When Wilford storms Snowpiercer, it's as much unexpected as anticipated. In the days following the revelation of Melanie's secret everything has been chaotic, unorganised, random.

She wants to hate her, hates that she lied to the train - to Audrey herself - that she fooled all of them, but she can't. She's always known that Melanie was the reason they were all alive, that without her none of this could have been possible, so what difference does it make to know that Wilford has never actually been aboard the train? If anything, Audrey prefers it this way. If he had been in charge they would have died much sooner, his only preoccupations being sex, drinking and partying.

Audrey just wants to find Melanie, let her know she doesn't hate her, never will. But doesn't know where she is, hasn't seen her since the seven cars were disconnected from the train. But she needs to, has to.

Big Alice attaches to Snowpiercer and word spreads quickly. Wilford is boarding the train. He's going to kill them all. He wants Melanie Cavill. When Audrey hears that, she springs into action. She can't let him get to her, not before she can talk to her. Not ever, for that matter. She checks room, after room, after room. Nothing. No sign of Melanie anywhere. She's losing hope, starting to think _what if she gave herself to him? What if she abandoned them, her?_

She puts her hand on a side of the train, partly to feel closer to her partly to see if she can locate her. Melanie had said that she could understand if a piece was malfunctioning from the Engine all the way down to the Tail, so Audrey should be able to find her. She can't.

But she won't give up, not until she's seen her. One of the doors unlocks and locks back immediately just some metres away from her. Audrey's legs are shaking and fear ripples through her whole body. She's not a fighter. She has a knife on her but could never take Wilford in a fight if she tried. Still, she moves towards the peculiarity, hoping to find Melanie. The door is sealed so she has to steal a door-remote from an open room to unlock it. When she finally does, her breath catches in her throat. Melanie is on the floor, bleeding and bruised and Wilford is towering over her, his foot colliding with her ribs.

"Melanie!" she screams before she can think about her actions and she curses herself inwardly at her stupidity, but Wilford stops his attack on Melanie and Audrey thinks that she can - and will - keep him occupied if it means the other brunette will get a break.

"Look at who we have here. Miss Audrey in the flesh" she winces at that, her name sounds foul in his mouth "Came to enjoy the show?" he smiles like a madman, his gaze travelling from her to Melanie and back to her again. Audrey's paralysed, both at the sight of her injured friend and her abusive former lover. She feels her blade tap against her back and, she's not sure how but she knows she needs to reach behind and get it.

"Not exactly. I came here to take Melanie back" she says with a confidence she didn't know she had. Wilford laughs at that and behind him she sees Melanie on the floor trying to get up, wincing at the slightest movement and Audrey thinks that she might, after all, be able to slit his throat open.

"I'm not done with her yet," he says casually "She's always been beautiful. Too bad she never knew her place" and just as he says that she sees the other brunette smash a bedside lamp against the back of his skull, making him fall down. Melanie follows suit, her wobbly legs unable to keep her standing for more than a few seconds at a time. Audrey's not sure about what happens next; she sees Wilford's fist collide with Melanie's cheekbone and launches on him, knife in her hand. He turns around just before she can plant the blade in his neck and throws her to the side, her head colliding hard with the left wall of the room. Suddenly he's on top of her, his hands closing around her delicate neck, her knife just a few inches out of her reach. _If only,_ she thinks, _If only I could get to that._

Suddenly there's blood everywhere and she's drowning in darkness. Her world is spinning and the last thing she sees is Melanie laying unconscious on the floor.

+1.

She doesn't remember how it goes from friendship to sleeping in Melanie's room.

She remembers waking up in a hospital bed after the invasion, gauze wrapped around her head and her vision still blurry. She remembers seeing Melanie in the bed next to hers, the white of the hospital gown making her look so small and the bruises on her body giving her an aria of brutality Audrey wishes she'd never experienced. She remembers waiting for her to wake up day after day. She remembers the sheer relief she feels when Melanie finally opens her eyes after three days.

When Melanie is eventually discharged, Audrey won't let her out of her sight. She accompanies her up train to her room and sticks around as long as possible, trying to prolong their inevitable parting.

"Stay here tonight," Melanie says when Audrey's about to leave the room, leave her behind. Her green eyes hold so much hurt and so much pain she just wants to scoop the head engineer in her arms and never let her go.

"Of course," she says. She decides she'll sleep on the floor. No way she's getting in bed with Melanie, who has two broken ribs and a third of her body covered in bruises. She'll have to endure if only so she can be in the same room as her. Melanie doesn't let her though. "You won't hurt me"

And that's how, on the first night, they end up staying up until the wee hours of the morning, talking away. Melanie's head is on her chest, her eyes closed as Audrey plays with her hair.

"So, Wilford's dead?" Melanie inquires.

"Yes. Bess and Roche came into the room after hearing a commotion, which I'm guessing was my head hitting that stupid wall, saw you on the floor and him on top of me and Roche shot him in the head"

"Right there, right then? I thought they were happy he was back"

"Yeah, they were. But when the doors at the border opened, most passengers on Big Alice were quick to warn our people of the threat Wilford imposed. That's what I was told, anyway. Even Ruth came around, Zarah said. She was screaming and kicking at the guards and Wilford himself to leave you alone"

"Oh. I didn't know that" Melanie says apprehensively "I should talk to her. Apologise again"

"You don't need to. She's forgiven you. Everyone has" she keeps playing with her hair "I'm sorry," Audrey says.

"For what?"

"For being mad at you. You were trying your best and you didn't deserve that. I just hated the fact that you thought I hated you and when I heard Wilford was aboard I was so scared I'd never get the chance to tell you how I really feel about you"

"And how do you exactly feel about me?" Melanie's tone is playful and light and it makes Audrey want to be reckless. She tentatively inches her mouth closer to hers, giving Melanie plenty of time to tell her to stop, but she never does. When Audrey's lips finally touch Melanie's, she tastes like summer and peaches and optimism. "Does this explain it?"

"Uh-huh" Melanie hums, pulling in for another kiss.

They're asleep within a couple of minutes after that.

When Audrey wakes up, Melanie is tracing invisible patters on her chest and she can't help but feel stupid for having wasted all these years for fear of her feelings not being reciprocated.

"Mel" she calls softly for her. Melanie looks up at her face with a gentle smile on her lips. "Don't freak out, okay?" she says slowly, "But I think you're beautiful"

The other brunette is still for a second and Audrey thinks she should take it back, apologise and never say it again but then Melanie pecks her on the lips and says "So are you" and she thinks that Snowpiercer may not be a home, but maybe with time and space, they can make it into one.


End file.
